It’s nice to see how many friends you had. Many keep telling me how much of an amazing person you were. That you’d give the shirt off your back to help them. I already knew this. Even though you didn’t show much emotion, you cared deeply.

Your friends keep coming out of the wood work to talk to me about you. About all the memories they have of you. But with all these people, I’m alone. In a large group of your friends, I have never felt so alone. Even with our family, I’m alone.

It’s like I have no one to talk to anymore. Mom breaks down at the mention of your name, dad is self destructing, and I’ve never been close to our sisters. One doesn’t even live in the same state. And even though they exist, they don’t have the connection we had. It’s not the same. You were the only full blooded sibling I have and could talk to about things. I can’t share that with our sister. They don’t understand.

Most of the time I keep trying to tell myself it’s not real. It never happened. But I know it’s real.

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